The British Club

"what what"
by Bangkok Mouth


The hallowed corridors and rooms of the British Club are located at the bottom end of Suriwongse Road, and it has all the facilities that one would expect from the high price of membership (about 60,000 baht a year, the last time I checked). There are luscious green tennis courts (“what what”), a well-stocked bar manned by groveling, arse-licking bar-staff (“top-hole old bean”), a well-tended croquet lawn area (“by jove”), and a load of other amenities aimed at British people who have somehow found themselves ‘stranded’ in this part of the world, and need somewhere like the British club to escape from the ‘Thai peasants who really should be under some sort of colonial rule’. ”These buggers will run amok if you damn let ‘em”

The British club is so sad. I used to go there years ago and get signed in as a guest, because they had two wonderful snooker tables that were there just for show. I played for a few hours once a week and bothered no one. My playing partner and I spent a considerable amount of money on drinks and kept ourselves to ourselves. But the very fact that a non-paying ‘oik’ was enjoying the facilities obviously ruffled the feathers of the tweed jacket mob, and I was asked to leave. Most of the members of these exclusive clubs make me cringe. They contribute little or nothing to Thailand, except by perhaps using the services of a maid and a driver. They drink English beer, eat English food, read English newspapers, and play English games. Then they write E-mails home telling every one of their experiences in South East Asia before they are forced to move on to the next high-paying job in another ‘ghastly’ country where people don’t use a knife and fork and flush the toilet with bowls of water. My God, how could they???

Have a gander at the British Club's web-site. It sort of screams at you "no money? - then go forth and multiply".

Q: Are you a member? Is it worth the dosh?

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